Class 4 – Sins Taken Lightly In Families

Class 4

Sins Taken Lightly In Families

Disrespecting Parents

The rights of parents are great indeed. Allaah mentions parents’ rights in conjunction with His own rights in many verses, for example, when He says (interpretation of the meaning): 

  • “Worship Allaah and join none with Him (in worship); and do good to parents” [al-Nisa’ 4:36] 
  • “And your Lord has decreed that you worship none but Him. And that you be dutiful to your parents” [al-Isra’ 17:23] 
  • “And We have enjoined on man (to be dutiful and good) to his parents. His mother bore him in weakness and hardship upon weakness and hardship, and his weaning is in two years give thanks to Me and to your parents. Unto Me is the final destination” [Luqmaan 31:14] 

And there are many similar verses. These verses indicate that it is obligatory to honour our parents, treat them kindly and thank them for their kindness to the child when he was in his mother’s womb and until he became independent and could take care of his own interests.

Sadly we see amongst the Ummah today that they disrespect their Parents and are not dutifult to them. If a person fails to respect their parents or even care for their parents, this is counted as a sin for which a person will be punished, because what Allaah says in the Ayahs mentioned above.

Shaykh Sa’d al-Humayd: Every kind of annoying one’s parents, whether in word or deed, is an act of disobedience which means that the child is a sinner, because it goes against the command and prohibition of Allaah, Who has commanded us to speak to them kindly and treat them kindly. Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning): “but address them in terms of honour. And lower unto them the wing of submission and humility through mercy”  [al-Israa’ 17:24]

It is forbidden to dishonour them by saying or doing bad things to them. If the child does that, then he has to repent to Allaah and seek his parents’ forgiveness, so that he may escape the punishment.

Not allowing one’s husband to have marital relations for no legitimate reason

Abu Hurayrah (may Allaah be pleased with him) reported that the Prophet ﷺ said:

If a man calls his wife to his bed, and she refuses, and he goes to sleep angry with her, the angels will curse her until morning.” (Reported by al-Bukhaari).

Many women, when they have an argument with their husbands, “punish” them – so they think – by denying them their marital rights. This may result in major corruption if the husband is tempted to do something haraam, or it may backfire on the wife if the husband starts to think seriously of taking another wife.

A wife should hasten to respond to her husband’s call if he wants her, in obedience to the words of the Prophet ﷺ: “If a man calls his wife to his bed, let her respond, even if she is riding on the back of a camel (i.e., very busy).” (See Zawaa’id al-Bazzaar, 2/181; see also Saheeh al-Jaami’, 547).

At the same time, the husband must show consideration towards his wife if she is sick, pregnant or depressed or that there is no feeling of this being forced on her, so as to maintain harmony and prevent discontent or hatred.

Having intercourse with one’s wife in her rectum

Some perverted people who have little faith do not hesitate to have intercourse with a woman in her rectum (the place from which excrement emerges). This is a major sin, and the Prophet ﷺ cursed the one who does this. Abu Hurayrah (may Allaah be pleased with him) reported that the Prophet ﷺ said: “He is cursed, the one who has intercourse with a woman in her rectum.” (Reported by Imaam Ahmad).

Indeed, the Prophet ﷺ said: “Whoever has intercourse with a menstruating woman, or with a woman in her rectum, or goes to a fortune-teller, has disbelieved in what was revealed to Muhammad.” (Reported by al-Tirmidhi from Abu Hurayrah).

Although there are many righteous and sensible women who refuse to do this, there are many husbands who threaten their wives with divorce if they do not comply. Some husbands even deceive their wives who may be too shy to ask a scholar about this matter; they tell them that this is halaal, and they may even misquote the Qur’aan to support their claim (interpretation of the meaning): “You wives are a tilth for you, so go to your tilth when or how you will . . .” [al-Baqarah 2:223].

But it is well-known that the Sunnah explains the Qur’aan, and the Prophet ﷺ stated that it is permitted to have intercourse with one’s wife in whatever way one wishes, approaching from the front or the back, so long as intercourse is in the place from which a child is born (the vagina); it is obvious that the anus, from which excrement is produced, is not the place from which a child is born. One of the reasons for this crime is the fact that many people enter what should be a clean and pure married life with an inheritance of dirty, haraam, jaahili, perverted practices, or memories filled with scenes from lewd movies for which they have not repented to Allaah. It is also well known that this deed is haraam even if both parties consent to it; mutual consent to a haraam deed does not make it halaal.

Not treating co-wives fairly

One of the things that Allaah has enjoined in His Book is fair treatment of co-wives. Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning): “You will never be able to do perfect justice between wives even if it is your ardent desire, so do not incline too much to one of them (by giving her more of your time and provision) so as to leave the other hanging (i.e., neither divorced nor married). And if you do justice, and do all that is right and fear Allaah by keeping away from all that is wrong, then Allaah is Ever Oft-Forgiving, Most Merciful.” [al-Nisaa’ 4:129]

The justice that is required here is a fair division of nights, and the giving of each wife her rights as regards spending and clothing. This does not refer to emotions or love, because man has no control over his feelings. But some people, when they marry more than one wife, favour one and neglect the other, spending more time with one wife and spending more on her, and ignoring the other. This is haraam, and the person who does this will come on the Day of Resurrection in the condition described by the Prophet ﷺ in the hadeeth narrated by Abu Hurayrah: “Whoever has two wives and gives one of them preferential treatment, he will come on the Day of Resurrection with half of his body leaning.” (Narrated by Abu Dawud).

Sharing Bedroom Secrets

A common practice amongst females (some men as well but this is common in sisters) of the ummah these days, and is supposed to be just for fun, like some sisters share about their secrets with each other just to show how close they are to each other but it is obligatory for both spouses to keep the secrets of the marriage, especially anything that has to do with their intimate relationship in bed.  The wife is entrusted with the husband’s secrets and the husband is entrusted with the wife’s secrets. 

It was narrated from Abu Hurayrah that the Prophet ﷺ turned to the men and said, “Is there any man among you who, when he comes to his wife, he locks the door, throws his blanket over himself and conceals himself with the cover of Allaah?” They said, “Yes.” He said, “And does he sit after that and say, ‘I did such and such, and I did such and such?’” They remained silent. Then he turned to the women and said, “Is there anyone among you who speaks (of private marital matters)?” They remained silent. Then a buxom young girl sat up tall so that the Messenger of Allaah ﷺ would see her and hear her words, and said, “O Messenger of Allaah, (the men) speak and (the women) speak.” He said, “Do you know what the likeness of that is? The likeness of that is that of a female devil who meets a male devil in the street and he fulfils his desire with her when the people are looking on.”  (Narrated by Abu Dawood, 2174)

Asking one’s husband for a divorce for no legitimate reason

Many women hasten to demand a divorce from their husbands for the least little argument, or if their husbands do not give them what they want of money. Some women may be egged on by troublemakers among their relatives or neighbours to challenge their husbands with provocative words such as: “If you were a real man, you would divorce me!” The dire results of divorce are well known: breakdown of the family and children roaming the streets. A person may come to regret divorce when it is too late. For all these reasons and others, the Sharee’ah wisely prohibited such actions. Thawbaan (may Allaah be pleased with him) reported that the Prophet ﷺ said: “Any woman who asks her husband for a divorce with no sound reason will be deprived of smelling the fragrance of Paradise.” (Reported by Ahmad).

‘Uqbah ibn ‘Aamir (may Allaah be pleased with him) reported that the Prophet ﷺ said: “Woman who ask for divorce and women who contend unnecessarily with their husbands are hypocrites.” (Reported by al-Tabaraani in al-Kabeer, 17/339; see also Saheeh al-Jaami’, 1934).

But if there is a sound reason, such as the husband abandoning prayer, drinking or taking drugs, or forcing his wife to do something haraam, or oppressing her and making her suffer by denying her the rights granted to her by Islaam, and he does not listen to advice to mend his ways, then in this case there is nothing wrong with a woman seeking divorce for her own sake and for the sake of her religion.

Seeing one’s womenfolk behaving in an immoral fashion and keeping silent

Ibn ‘Umar (may Allaah be pleased with him and his father) reported that the Prophet ﷺ said: “There are three whom Allaah will deprive of Paradise: the one who drinks intoxicants, the one who is disobedient to his parents, and the one who accepts immoral conduct on the part of his family.” (Reported by Imaam Ahmad).

One of the many examples of this in modern times is men turning a blind eye to their daughters’ or wives’ dresses and allowing them to go out without proper Hijab, so that everyone may look at them or overlooking the fact that the daughters are contacting non-mahram men and chatting to them in a way that may be described as “romantic,” or accepting one of the women of his household being alone with a non-mahram man, or bringing home immoral magazines and movies.

Severing Kinship Ties

Islam calls for the upholding of the ties of kinship because of the great effect that this has on achieving social cohesion and perpetuating cooperation and love among the Muslims. Upholding the ties of kinship is a duty because Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):

“… and fear Allaah through Whom you demand your mutual (rights), and (do not cut the relations of ) the wombs (kinship)…” (al-Nisa’ 4:1)

Allaah has warned us against cutting the ties of kinship (interpretation of the meaning): “And those who break the Covenant of Allaah, after its ratification, and sever that which Allaah has commanded to be joined (i.e., they sever the bond of kinship and are not good to their relatives), and work mischief in the land, on them is the curse (i.e., they will be far away from Allaah’s Mercy); And for them is the unhappy (evil) home (i.e., Hell).” (al-Ra’d 13:25)

And the Prophet ﷺ said: “No one who severs the ties of kinship will enter Paradise.” (Muslim)

What punishment could be worse than the curse and the evil home that awaits those who sever the ties of kinship? They deny themselves the reward for upholding the ties of kinship in the Hereafter, in addition to denying themselves much good in this world, which is a long life and ample provision.

There is another Hadeeth which states that we shouldn’t abandon our Muslim brothers for more than 3 days, this will be studied in the next class related to Society. But it is important to note that if we are not allowed to abandon a Muslim brother who is not related to us how can we abandon people who are our blood relatives.

On the other hand there is goodness in this world and the Hereafter for those who upholds kinship ties, the Messenger of Allaah ﷺ said: “Whoever would like his rizq (provision) to be increased and his life to be extended, should uphold the ties of kinship.” (Reported by al-Bukhaari, 5986 and Muslim, 2557).

Also note that the Messenger ﷺ when he said: “The one who maintains a relationship with his relatives only because they maintain a relationship with him is not truly upholding the ties of kinship. The one who truly upholds those ties is the one who does so even if they break off the relationship.” (Reported by al-Bukhaari, 5645).

If the relationship is merely one of returning favours and giving like in return for like, and not taking the initiative, then this is not upholding the ties of kinship, it is only responding in kind.

We seek refuge with Allaah from cutting off the ties of kinship.