Class 5 – Committed amongst Families

Class 5 
‘Major Sins related to Families’

8) SHOWWING DISRESPECT TO ONE’S PARENTS 

Allah, the Most High, says,

{Thy Lord hath decreed that ye worship none but Him, and that ye be kind to parents. Whether one or both of them attain old age in thy life, say not to them a word of contempt, nor repel them but address them in terms of honour. And, out of kindness, lower to them the wing of humility, and say: “My Lord! Bestow on them Mercy even as they cherished me in childhood.} (Al-Isra: 23-24)

Therefore, you should serve them as they did with you. But your service is not equal to theirs as they suffered a lot in bringing you up, hoping that you might live long. On the other hand, when you shoulder their burdens you hope that they will die soon.

Allah, the Most High, says,

{Show gratitude to Me and to thy parents: To Me is thy final goal.} (Luqman: 14)

Behold, how Allah has associated gratitude to Him with the gratitude to the parents Ibn ‘Abbas (may Allah be pleased with him), said, “There are three verses (ayat) which have been revealed associated with three others. They are not accepted separately.

The Prophet ﷺ said, “Allah’s satisfaction is the parent’s and His Wrath is theirs.”(Tirmidhi)

The Prophet ﷺ said, “Shall I not tell you of the worst major sins? Worshipping others with Allah and showing disrespect to parents.”

Again Allah associates showing disrespect to parents with worshipping others besides Him.

It was related that the Messenger of Allah ﷺ said,

“Whoever shows disrespect to his parents, he who reminds recipients of his charity to them and he who addicts to wine will not enter Paradise.” (Ahmad & Nisa’ai)

Once Ibn ‘Umar saw a man bearing his mother upon his shoulder and making circumambulation around the Ka’ba. The man asked him, “Do you think that I requite her? No, not even with a cry from childbirth. But, well done. Allah will give you in return for a little deed a great reward.” (Bukhari)

It was narrated. Also that the Messenger of Allah ﷺ said,

“In the night of /sra’ (Night Journey) / saw groups of people in the Hell-Fire hanged on trunks of fire. /asked, “Who are they, Gabriel?” He said, “They are those who revile their parents in this world.”

9) SEVERING THE TIES OF ONE’S RELATIVES

The Qur’an also states,

{Then it is to be expected of you, if ye were put in authority, that ye will do mischief in the land, and break your ties of kith and kin: Such are the men whom Allah has cursed for He has made them deaf and blinded their sight.} (Muhammad: 22-23)

The Prophet ﷺ said,

“He who severs his family ties will not enter Paradise.” (Bukhari & Muslim)

Thus, whoever abandons his relatives, is proud over them and disdains to support the needy if he is rich is included in this punishment unless he repents to Allah the Most Exalted and treats them well.

But whoever is poor should keep good terms with them, visit them and be heedful of them.

The Prophet also said,

• “Whoever believes in Allah and the Last Day should have a link with his kins.”  (Bukhari)
• “A person who reciprocates in doing good is not the one who joins his blood relations generously,’ but he is one who joins with his blood relations when they cut with him.” (Bukhari)
• “Allah Almighty says, “I am the Merciful and it is the womb i.e. blood relation. I will hold by him who hold by it; and I will cut asunder from him who cuts asunder from it.” (Tirmidhi)

34) THE PIMP & THE ONE WHO PERMITS HIS WIFE TO FORNICATE

Allah Most High says,

“The adulterer cannot have sexual relations with any but an adulteress or an idolatress, and the adulteress, none can have sexual relations with her but an adulterer or an idolater; to the believers such a thing is forbidden.” (An-Nur: 3)

He ﷺ also said, “Three persons are prevented from entering Paradise (by Allah): The drunk, the one who is disobedient to is parents and the pimp who supports the immorality of his wife.” (Nisa’ai)

Someone who suspects his wife if indecency but pretends not to know because he loves her is not as bad as someone who actually pimps for her. There is no good in a man without jealousy for his rights.

35) MARRYING SOLELY TO RETURN TO THE PREVIOUS HUSBAND

Ibn Mas’ud (may Allah be pleased with him) said that

“The Messenger of Allah ﷺ cursed the man who marries a women after her divorce solely to permit her first husband.” (Tirmidhi)

However, this ruling comes in accordance with the opinion of all men of profound knowledge like ‘Umar Ibn AI-Khattab, ‘Uthman Ibn ‘Affan, ‘Ali Ibn Abi Talib and the jurists of the successors. It is reported also by Imam Ahmad in his Musnad and An-Nasa’i in his Sunan with sahih transmission.

Ibn ‘Abbas (may Allah be pleased with him) said that the Messenger of Allah ﷺ was asked about the ruling of the one who marries solely to permit the first husband to return to his divorced wife, whereupon he said,

“No (it is not a legal marriage), the legal marriage should be founded on wish and desire. No marriage is permitted which is based on deception or contradiction to Allah’s Book. Satisfaction of sexual desires is a condition for legal marriage.”

‘Umar (may Allah be pleased with him) was asked about marring a woman to permit her to return to the previous husband, whereupon he said, “It is an illicit sexual relation.”

‘Abdullah Ibn Sharauk AI-`Amri said, “I heard Ibn ‘Umar (may Allah be pleased with them both) when he was asked about a man who divorced his wife (his uncle’s daughter) and someone else wanted to marry her to permit the former husband to remarry her. Ibn ‘Umar (may Allah be pleased with him) explained, ‘The former and latter are adulterers even if the marriage lasted for 20 years. However, the knowledge of the former husband by the aim of the marriage is the main criteria of incurring curse upon himself.”

 47) A WIFE’s REBELLION AGAINST HER HUSBAND

Allah, Most High says,

{As to those women on whose part ye fear disloyalty and ill-conduct, admonish them first. Next refuse to share their beds and lastly beat them (lightly). If they return to obedience, seek not means against them (of annoyance); for Allah is Most High, great (above you all).} (An-Nisa’: 34)

The Prophet ﷺ said,

• “When a man calls his wife to his bed and she does not come, if he spends the night angry with her, the angels curse her until morning.” (Bukhari & Muslim)
• “When a woman does not spend the night in her husband’s bed, and refuses him then He who is in heaven (i.e. Allah) remains displeased with her, till her husband has reconciled with her.” (Bukhari & Muslim) 
• “Evaluate yourself concerning your husband for he is you Paradise or Hell-Fire.” (Ahmad)
• “Allah will not look at a woman who is ungrateful to her husband, while she is unable to do without him.” (Hakim)
• “If a woman dies while her husband was pleased with her, she will enter paradise.”(Tirmidhi)

It is unlawful to approach a woman during the time of her menstruation as stated by Allah:

{Keep away from women in their curses, and do not approach them until they are clean}

(Al-Baqarah: 222)

The Prophet ﷺ  said,

“Whoever has intercourse with a woman during her period has disbelieved in what has been revealed upon Muhammad.” 5 

“He who has intercourse with a woman during her period or sodomizes her is accursed.” 6

This also applies to post natal bleeding.

A woman should keep in mind that there are some rights towards her husband she should observe. She should not spend of his money, or do anything without permission. She also should not revile or disgust him.

Al-Asma’i recounted, once I was passing by a desert and as met a very beautiful woman who had an ugly husband. I asked her, how did you accept him a husband? She said, give me your ear! He might have kept a good relation with Allah and thus He made me a reward to him. On the other hand, I might have disobeyed Allah and thus he made him my punishment.

A woman should also be: loyal before her husband, lower her gaze before him, keep silent when he speaks, stand when he comes, or leaves, offer herself when he sleeps, perfume herself, brush her teeth (with Siwak), be adorned in his accompany, leave aside what annoys him in his presence like slandering or in absence like treachery in bed, property or home, honor his family and kinsmen, and be content of what he brings however little.

A woman who fears Allahshould do her best to obey Allah and her husband and seek his pleasures because he himself is her paradise or hell fire. The Prophet said,

“If a woman dies while her husband was pleased with her, she will enter paradise.”

“If a woman performs the five (prayers), fasts the month (of Ramadan) and obeys her husband, she will enter paradise from any gate she wants.”(Ahmad)

The Prophet ﷺ said,

“There are four women in Paradise and they are: a chaste and an obedient one to Allah and her husband, patient, content, coy, and reproductive who guards her husband’s property and herself in his absence and holds her tongue in his presence. A widow who devotes her life for her children and does not marry lest they fail. As for the four women of Hell –fire.” “The woman who has a shrew tongue and is vulgar towards her husband, who does not guard herself in his absence and injures him with her tongue in his presences. The one who charges her husband burdens greater than he can bear. The one who shows herself to men and goes out doors displaying her beauty. The one who does not concern herself except with food, drink and sleep. Further she is not eager to pray or to obey Allah and her husband, such a woman who in addition to that, leaves her husband’s home without his permission is accursed by the people of fire until she repents to Allah.”(Bukhari)

The closer a woman is to Allah, the longer she stays in her home.

Muadh Ibn Jabal (may Allah be pleased with him) related that the Prophet ﷺ said,

“Whenever a woman causes annoyance and torture to her husband in this world, his mate from among the hour is of Paradise says to her: may Allah ruin thee, do not cause your husband annoyance, for, he is only your guest, and will soon leave thee to join us in Paradise.” (Tirmidhi)

Similarly, a husband is commanded to treat his wife kindly and tenderly. He should also be patient if she mistreats him. Food, clothes and kind treatment are also binding for a man to give to his wife. Allah theAlmighty says,

{But consort with them in kindness} (An-Nisa’: 19)

The Prophet ﷺ said,

“Listen! Treat women kindly, they are like prisoners in you hands. Beyond this do not use anything from them. If they are guilty of flagrant misbehaviors, you can remove them from your beds and beat them but do not inflict upon them any severe punishment. Then, if they obey you, you do not have recourse to anything else against them. Listen! You have your rights upon your wives and they have their rights upon you. Your right is that they shall not allow anyone you dislike to trample your bed and do not permit them to enter your home.” (Tirmidhi)

The Prophet ﷺ said,

“The best of you is whoever treats his wife kindly.” (Tirmidhi)

49) LOUDLY LAMENTING FOR THE DEAD OR WHEN AFFLICTED WITH ADVERSITY

The Prophet ﷺ said that,

“He who slaps his cheeks, rips his pockets, or calls out the cries of the pre-Islamic period of ignorance is not of us.” (Bukhari)

“The Messenger of Allah ﷺ cleared himself from the woman who loudly lament, the one who shaves or plucks out her hair when being afflicted with an adversity, and the one who rips off her clothes.” (Bukhari & Muslim)

“Among things upon which we gave the Messenger of Allah ﷺ the oath of allegiance was to refrain from loud lamenting.” (Bukhari)

“Two qualities in people are unbelief attacking another’s ancestry, and wailing over the dead.” (Muslim)

All these types are prohibited according to the consensus of the scholars. It is also prohibited to dishevel one’s hair, slap the cheeks, scratch the face and to wail and burst into loud lamenting.

“The Messenger of Allah ﷺ said,

“In his grave, the dead is tortured with what he was lamenting over?” (Bukhari & Muslim)

On the authority of Abu Musa (may Allah be pleased with him) who said,

“Never has a person died and his people wail upon him saying, ‘O our master, O our sustainer, or the so and so, and two angels not be entrusted with his torture saying, weren’t you so and so?”(Tirmidhi)

Loudly lamenting means to raise one’s voice with wailing and mentioning the good traits of the dead. It is also said that it means that to weep over the dead by mentioning his good traits.

The scholars said it is not allowed to raise your voice when weeping. As for weeping over the dead without wailing or loud lamenting, it is not forbidden. In Sahih of Al-Bukhari and Muslim, Ibn ‘Umar (may Allah be pleased with him) reported that, “The Messenger of Allah (peace and blessing be upon him) visited Sa’d Ibn ‘Ubadah along with `Abdul-Rahman Ibn ‘Awf, Sa’d Ibn Abi Waqas and ‘Abdullah Ibn Mus’ud (may Allah be pleased with them all).

Thereupon the Messenger of Allah ﷺ wept. Upon seeing the Messenger of Allah ﷺ in this state, the people also wept. The Prophet said,

“Don’t you hear?! Allah does not torment the people because of the tears of the eye or the grief of the heart. Rather, He torments or bestows His mercy upon the people because of the returns of “this” and he pointed to his tongue.”

Allah the Almighty has said,

{O ye who believe! Seek help with patient perseverance and prayer: for God is with those who patiently persevere and say not of those who are slain in the way of Allah: “They are dead” Nay, they are living, though ye perceive (it) not. Be sure We shall test you with some thing of fear and hunger, some loss in good, lives and the fruits (of your toil), but give glad tidings to those who patiently persevere, who say, when afflicted with calamity: To Allah we belong, and to Him is Our return.} (AI-Baqarah: 153-156)

‘Ata’ reported Ibn’ Abbas to have said, “This means that Allah will support such people and will never disappoint them. Allah the Almighty said, {Be sure we shall test you.} i.e., Allah will treat such kind of people the same way He treated the afflicted people. That is because Allah knows the returns and consequences of all things and He is in no need for the afflicted to know the result but He just deals with them in such way.

So, whoever is patient, he will be rewarded for his patience and whoever is impatient, will be deprived of such reward. Then Allah the Almighty ended the Ayah with giving good news to those who are patient to indicate that whoever was afflicted with these calamities and was patient, he is promised by Allah to be rewarded, Allah the Almighty said, “But give glad tidings to those who patiently persevere.” Then Allah described them saying, {who say when afflicted with calamity.} i.e., they were afflicted with what previously mentioned. To be afflicted with good thing is not affliction. { They say, to Allah we belong.} i.e., we are the servants of Allah and He can dispose with us with whatever He will. {And to Him is our return.} This will be through death. The return to Allah means that He will be the only Sovereign. That is because some people govern in this world, but as soon as they are deprived of it, they know the whole matter will be in the Hands of Allah, the Almighty.

On the authority of `Aishah (may Allah be pleased with her) who said, “The Messenger of Allah

ﷺ said,

“Whatever the calamity a believer is afflicted with, he will be compensated for it, even the sting of the thorn.” (Bukhari)

The Messenger of Allah ﷺ also said,

“The Almighty Allah said in a hadith Qudsi, “The reward of my believing servant, if I take the soul of his bosom friend in this world and he was patient and sought the reward from Me, will be nothing except Paradise.”(Bukhari)

Consolation

On the authority of’ Abdullah Ibn Mas’ud (may Allah be pleased with him) that he said, “The Prophet ﷺ said,

• “Whoever offers the consolation to the afflicted person, he will be rewarded with the same.”(Tirmidhi)
• Whoever offers consolation to the person who is bereaved of his/her child, he will be clothed with Burd (certain kind of garment) in Paradise.”(Tirmidhi)

Consolation means that to bring patience and mention to the deceased’s kin what can relieve their sadness and lighten their calamity. It is recommended that it includes commanding the good and forbidding the evil.

59) FALSELY CLAIMING SOMEONE IS ONE’s FATHER

The Messenger of Allah ﷺ said,

• “Paradise is forbidden to whoever falsely claims someone is his father, knowing he is not.” (Bukhari)
• “Do not wish for fathers other than your own. For someone to wish for a different father is unbelief.” (Bukhari)
• “Whoever claims someone, other than his own to be his father, or belonging himself to a ruler other than his own, he will invoke upon himself the curse of Allah, His angels and all people.” (Muslim)