Class 16 – Etiquette – Rights of Parents
Class 16
‘Etiquette – Rights of Parents’
RIGHTS & ETIQUETTE OF A MUSLIM TOWARDS HIS/HER PARENTS
The Qur’an is the source of guidance and if something comes next to Allah than it is without doubt a very serious thing to ponder upon. Let us start with an Ayah that shows the significance of obedience and gratitude due to parents: Allah says: “And We have enjoined upon man [care] for his parents. His mother carried him, [increasing her] in weakness upon weakness, and his weaning is in two years. Be grateful to Me and to your parents; to Me is the [final] destination.” [Quran 31:14]
Honouring one’s parents means obeying them, respecting them, praying for them, lowering one’s voice in their presence, smiling at them, lowering the wing of humility to them, not showing displeasure towards them, striving to serve them, fulfilling their wishes, consulting them, listening to what they say, not being stubborn towards them and respecting their friends both during their lifetime and after they have died.
That also includes not traveling without their permission, not sitting in a place higher than theirs, not starting to eat before they do, and not showing preference to your wife or child over them.
It also means striving to reduce the arguments between them, by offering sincere advice and reminding them as much as you can, and making excuses to the one who is wronged, and saying and doing things to calm them down.
No matter how your father treats you, you should follow the good manners described above, so as to avoid everything that may make him angry or upset, so long as that does not lead to sin or disobedience towards Allaah, because the rights of Allaah come before the rights of other people.
So let us Muslims not adapt the attitudes of the popular culture in which we find ourselves, where mothers are nothing more than serving girls and fathers nothing more than errand boys. We must combat what the television and society say about how parents should be treated, by sharing with our children what Allah, subhanahu wa ta’ala, and His Messenger, sallallaahu alayhe wa sallam, have said about the rights of parents. and most importantly, we must teach them by setting the best example; by treating our parents with the love, respect, honor and tenderness they deserve. Children imitate what they see, by us being good to our parents, we can hope that our children imitate what they see, by us being good to our parents, we can hope that our children will in turn be good to us.
Being patient and tolerant with parents The children must take great care not to react to what their parents have to say, If they say or do anything which is not liked or approved of by the children, then they must show patience and tolerance instead of giving vent to their anger. The children must scrupulously try to refrain from disobeying their parents since the Prophet ﷺ regarded this as one of the grave sins.
Supplicating for them Far from showing signs of displeasure, the children must pray for them saying, as Allah teaches us in the verse (which means): “…My Lord and Sustainer! Be kind and have mercy on them as they cherished, nurtured and sustained me in childhood.” [Quran 17: 24]
The greater right of the mother Children must be kinder and more grateful to their mothers since they took greater pains in their upbringing. That is why the Prophet ﷺ emphasized that it is the mother who has the first claim on the child’s care and attention. Once a companion (may Allah be pleased with him) asked the Prophet ﷺ as to whom he should show more kindness. The Prophet ﷺ replied: “Your mother.” He (may Allah be pleased with him) asked who comes next and the Prophet ﷺ again replied: “Your mother. “He (may Allah be pleased with him) asked the Prophet ﷺ yet again who comes next. The Prophet ﷺ replied: “Your mother.” When the companion asked for the fourth time, only then did the Prophet ﷺ reply: “Your father.”
Recognizing their great status: The Muslim should recognize the status of the parent and know his duties towards them. The status of parents in Islam is a status which mankind had not known before. Allah Has placed the respect for the parents’ just one step below the belief in Allah and true worship of Him.
Allah says “And your Lord has decreed that you not worship except Him, and to parents, good treatment. Whether one or both of them reach old age [while] with you, say not to them [so much as], “uff,” and do not repel them but speak to them a noble word.” [Quran 17: 23]
The Prophet ﷺ placed kindness and respect towards parents just after the prayer offered on time as the prayer is the foundation of Islam.
‘Abdullaah Ibn Mas’ood (RA) said: “I asked the Prophet ﷺ which deed is most liked by Allah? He ﷺ said: ‘Prayer offered on time.’ I asked him: ‘Then what? He ﷺ said: ‘Kindness and respect towards parents.’…” [Al-Bukhaari and Muslim]
Be grateful to your parents Thanksgiving and an acknowledgement of debt and gratitude are the first duties which a beneficiary owes to the benefactor. It is a fact that the parents are the palpable cause for our existence. Again, it is under their protection and upbringing that we grow up to an age of maturity. The extraordinary self- sacrifice, unparalleled devotion and deep affection with which they patronize us demand that our hearts should be filled with sentiments of reverence, indebtedness, love and an acknowledgement of their magnanimity and every fibre of our heart should pulsate with feelings of gratitude to them. It is for this reason that Allah has ordained offering of gratitude to parents along with thanksgiving to Him. “(We willed) that you should offer thanks to Me and remain grateful to your father and mother.”
Do service to your parents with heart and soul If Allah has afforded you the opportunity to serve your parents, it is in fact a favourable opportunity for you to earn entitlement to Paradise and to win the Pleasure of Allah. Good service to parents secures blessings and grace in both worlds and man obtains salvation from the calamities of this world and the next.
The Prophet ﷺ has observed : ”Let that man be disgraced, and disgraced again and let him be disgraced even more.” The people enquired: “O Prophet of God (peace and blessings of Allah be upon you) who is that man?” The Prophet of Allah ﷺ affirmed: “I refer to the man who finds his parents old in age – both of them or one of them – and yet did not earn entitlement to Paradise by rendering good service to them.” [Muslim]
Love your parents Love your parents and consider this act as a privilege and a source of reward in the eternal world.
Obey your parents with full devotion Obey your parents with full devotion. Even if they show some intransigence, obey their will cheerfully. Keeping in view the great favors which they have done to you, try to fulfil all their demands willingly which may be offensive to your own taste or temperament, provided, of course, they are not derogatory to the tenets of religion.
Allah forbid in case of you have been guilty of negligence in treating your parents well Allah forbid in case of you have been guilty of negligence in treating your parents well or discharging your full obligations towards them during their lifetime, do not despair of Allah’s mercy offer prayers constantly invoking blessings of Allah upon your deceased parents. It is possible Allah may forgive your sin of negligence and admit you among the ranks of the pious people.
Anas (R.A.) relates: The Prophet ﷺ affirmed : “If a person does not observe filial devotion to his parents during their lifetime, and both parents or one of them passes away, the person ought to offer prayers for his deceased parents and beg His Mercy and beseech Him to grant Salvation to them till God in His Mercy ordains their admission to the rolls of the pious people”.
Concluding, we mention a Hadeeth & Ayah that shows the significance of obedience and gratitude due to parents:
Ibn ‘Umar saw a Yemeni man circumambulating the Ka’bah, carrying his mother. The man said to him, “I am like a tame camel for her: I have carried her more than she carried me. Do you think I have paid her back, O Ibn ‘Umar?” He replied, “No, not even one contraction!” Reported by Bukhari
Allah says: “And We have enjoined upon man [care] for his parents. His mother carried him, [increasing her] in weakness upon weakness, and his weaning is in two years. Be grateful to Me and to your parents; to Me is the [final] destination.” [Quran 31:14]
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Now after reading all this let us all start right away, those who are living with their parents go to them, smile and try and say a good word (something like I just read about the rights of Parents and all) others please do the same by calling them and make this intention that In Sha Allah we will try and be the best to our Parents In Sha Allah! I know in today’s world a lot of us will be facing problems with their parents even when it comes to learning & following Islam and this is a reason there are some arguments between the children and parents. Even if they are wrong are still not allowed to be harsh and argue with them rather we should continue with the good work and be patient with what they say. Remember what the Prophets have gone through from their parents, Wives, Children, Relatives etc so what we are facing is nothing Alhamdulilah.
May Allah give us all the Hidaayah to be good to our parents and have Mercy on our Parents, reward them, give them Hidaayah, Forgive them and enter them into Paradise by Your mercy O Lord.
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TIPS OF TEST
- All of us InshaAllah will already know the points made above but these are just reminders as Allah says “A reminder benefits the believer” so try and learn from the Hadeeths and ponder over them.